Lovee toy

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Not sure if I belong here... (kind of long and rambly)

2020.09.18 08:27 idkaddme Not sure if I belong here... (kind of long and rambly)

It's taken me a lot to finally decide to write here.
All my life, I have had a really childish baby voice that makes me sound like a 3 year old. I've realized recently that because of my childish voice, I have always been babied. When people hear my voice and see my cute babyish face, they "aww" and talk to me in a voice they would use with a very small child. It's unconscious when they do it. Even strangers do it, but then they feel awkward when they remember that I'm not a toddler, I'm an adult.
I've been teased for my voice nearly my whole life. 7 or 8 is when all the kids in my class really started pointing out that I "talked like a baby". It made me really self conscious to the point I stopped speaking for a year. When I would say something in class, the other kids would mock my voice and say the same thing. They would keep doing it until I cried, so I decided to just not speak anymore. Only about a year later I realized how mute I was because I was hanging out with a friend on the playground and he was talking. I responded to something he said, and he was really freaked out like, "Omgsh! You can talk!? I've never heard got voice before! Say something else!" I didn't realize I wasn't talking for so long. I just nodded, shook my head, or shrugged when asked most questions or made "sound effects" (hmmm, sigh, oooh, etc.).
Now, I'm older and realized recently how much I hate the sound of my own voice, and that I feel it causes me to regress. Not only that, but as I said, people have always treated me like a small child because of my voice. I always thought I simply had a childish personality. I love coloring books and stuffed animals and anything soft, colorful, glowy (like fairylights and sparklers). I like games and fruit snacks and juice pouches, and I know that I do act like toddler a lot, but other times I feel I am struggling to prove that I'm an adult. When I say things, I want people to take me seriously and not just say "awwwww" and smile. I get a little upset sometimes when guys talk to me in a baby voice, and want to cry because I feel like they don't see me as a woman, just a cutesy child in a woman's body. I know the only real bf I had broke up with me in part because he was embarrassed by my childishness and people making remarks that they would feel like a pedophile dating me, especially since I always wanted to wear pigtails at the time. I thought they were cute, but I never got to wear them as a kid. I didn't understand why a hairstyle could only be worn by certain ages when it was cute.
Anyways, things like this — my love of pigtails, bubbles, plushies, toys, coloring books, cute things, being in awe of everything and easily excited...all while having the voice of a 3 year old, started to make me feel weird and embarrassed when I noticed how "odd" I am. I have also been dealing with the fact that I have social anxiety, lately, and it's caused me to never have a real job or be able to do anything. I'm supported by my family because I am too shy to do anything or really go anywhere. My sister gave me a job a few weeks ago, but I freaked out when she told me she wanted me to take calls and do social stuff after training. I cried and told her I quit because I didn't want to have to talk to people on the phone and have them judge my voice. People always ask to speak with an adult and don't believe that I am one, or they laugh at me and hang up, or get annoyed asking where my parents are and complaining to people in the background that "a child is playing on the phone". I also have a stutter on certain letters sometimes, and I know people get annoyed by it or think it's weird and make fun of me 😢.
I forgot that my sister is a counselor and therapist though and that she works with all kinds of special needs kids where she lives. She called me back and told me I need to work on communicating my needs and asking her for help when things get hard and that she wasn't going to let me quit simply because I was overwhelmed. She was really helpful, so I didn't quit my job and she adjusted all my work so it would be easier for me to handle.
I also have a friend I met online who is helping me in my spiritual journey. He knows about my voice because he asked to talk on the phone so he could pray for me. He also knows about my anxiety, and things like that. I got overwhelmed today because he told me to email the deacon of my church and ask for a ride to RCIA classes (classes you have to go to as an adult if you want to become Catholic). I cried and told him I couldn't do it, and that I didn't want to talk to him for the rest of the day. He was understanding and told me to take as long as I need.
He told me last night that my voice is a "blessing" and quoted me the scripture where Jesus says we all must become like little children to enter heaven. Then he told me I should be like St. Therese the Little Flower who taught that the easiest way to sainthood is just being like a little child. She taught that the littler you see yourself, the better, so she thought of herself like a infant in loving arms of God, and a toy ball for baby Jesus to play with. He (my friend) told me that I should try to be little and humble like St. Therese, and that maybe my small voice and dependency are a good thing to learn to be like a small child in a spiritual way. So, I've decided that I will embrace my regression and try to think of myself as a little child from now on.
I'm wondering if I should have my friend be my "caretaker" in a way. He's already been setting up short schedules for me, and trying to help me improve. I feel like I exhaust him with my emotions, even though I know I don't. I know he's perfectly willing to speak to my deacon on my behalf and arrange things for me to ensure I'm baptized by Easter, but I refuse to let him help me that far because of my own anxieties...also because I want to feel strong enough to do it myself. He knows that I want to be mature and independent and feel like an adult, and that I sometimes act out sexually because it makes me feel those things. He doesn't judge me for that, just gives gentle encouragements usually, and tells me I will be those things, but I have to be "little" first.
So this is long... I don't know if I actually belong here or if I would do better somewhere else. I just liked this community when I was scrolling because it made me feel kind of normal.
TL;DR: I have a baby voice which has caused me to act and be treated like a child my whole life. I've always wanted to be "mature", but now for spiritual reasons (and peace) I've decided to let myself regress and just be a child...I don't know if I belong here.
submitted by idkaddme to ageregression [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 08:20 MonstroFab We are really struggling to cope with our Rottweiler pup.

Hey everybody, looking for some advice if possible.
Myself and my partner brought home a Rottweiler pup last week, and we can't help but feel like we're at the end of our tether already. We've had a Rottie pup before, however never remember her behaving anything like this, and its seriously dragging both of us down.
Before she came home, we spent a lot of time at the breeder's house with her and her brothers and sisters. While there our pup seemed the calmest and most loving pup of the litter, and we were ecstatic that she was the one we had picked to come home. She loved to cuddle, spend time with us and was not as mouthy/bitey as the others. This all changed when she came to live with us.
Over the past few days the biting has got worse and worse, now at the point where me and my partner have cuts all over our body. We've followed tips online to get her to stop but nothing seems to work. She seems to just get more excited and bite more and more. We've tried distracting her with toys, but she paws them out of the way and continues attacking us. It isn't all play either, she is extremely sly and it comes across that she wants to hurt us rather than play with us. For example, she will walk behind you while you are sitting on the floor, and just bite your back/side. That does not come across as play.
When we make it clear we are not in the mood for play she gets destructive to get our attention. She tries ripping and tearing anything she can get her paws on, and when we go to move her she attacks our hands/wrists.
When she gets overexcited we put her behind a baby gate in the kitchen (timeout) but she just cries and cries and ends up urinating/defecating for attention. When you go in to clean it up she's right back attacking your feet and ankles. In the week she's been home she's ruined countless items of footwear and clothing and genuinely seems to enjoy it.
We have an appointment with the vets this evening, is it worth mentioning this to her?
As it stands I really don't see us being able to cope with this much longer, we've waited so long to be puppy owners after our previous dog passed and it's just turned into a 24 hour nightmare.
submitted by MonstroFab to puppy101 [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 08:15 1_day_or_day_1 Child wants to live with deadbeat dad

My 8 year old step-daughter that I’ve been a step father to for over 4 years now would rather go live with her deadbeat dad than live with her mother and myself, I think it’s because at our house we have common rules including: brush your teeth, take a shower, no filling up on snacks, clean your room, do your homework, pick up after yourself and more.
At her deadbeat dads fathers house apparently she’s aloud to basically do whatever she wants with no consequences, she doesn’t brush her teeth while there, she barely showers there, she eats whatever she wants which is mostly just snacks and candy, she doesn’t have to clean and she doesn’t have to do school work, he doesn’t bring her to doctors or dentist appointments, instead he teaches her things that no child her age should be learning like cuss words, he teaches her how to talk ghetto and he has her listen to music that talks about sex drugs and violence, he taught her what marijuana is, he hangs out and smokes with people while she’s around, he tells her that my wife and myself don’t love her and that she should live with him full time, he has her ride in the front seat with no seat belt no car seat and yes they have been in a car accident before, he tells her that he is a “gangsta and has killed people before”, yes this guy was born and raised in the suburbs, he tells her he sells drugs and has a Lamborghini and millions of dollars, lol this guy still lives with his dad and he’s over 30 years old,
ive been financially supporting her for 4 years I pay for everything she wants and needs and have never received a dime from him or his family, his parents don’t agree with everything he does but they still believe daughter should be there with them so they’re basically in on it too as far as brainwashing her, he even went as far as trying to convince her to tell people that I touched her in a pedophile type of way, he puts all type of stuff in her head and he’s slowly been grooming her for these past 4 years, his dads house has been raided for drugs 2-3 times WHILE she was over there, and there’s just so much more I could keep going and going but basically this guy is just a piece of shit loser,
so anyway when she’s here with us we all have a great relationship we go everywhere (besides recently with Covid) we go to stores to buy her all the clothes and toys she’s wants, we take her to dry parks and water parks we take her on vacations and all types of places, here with us she has an iPad an iPhone and a computer, we play games with her at home, she has a dog, she has a playground in our backyard and a trampoline and a pool, she has neighborhood friends that come play with her, basically she has it made here with us, whenever she comes back from being there she always acts different and distant from us for a day or 2,
I believe that she likes being there because she sees an easy life of no responsibilities and she thinks the stuff he does is cool because of the types of videos she watches while over there, the last time she was with him he told my wife we aren’t getting her back unless we pay him $2000, we ended up getting her back with out paying but still he put his daughter up for a ransom and it’s sickening, we cut them all off for 2 months after that,
so the deadbeats mom lives somewhere else and 1 day begged my wife to see daughter, my wife ended up said yes so deadbeats mom picked her up and she was there for 2 nights and we believe she basically brainwashed her to say that we abuse her, my wife got a call from the teacher saying she missed her zoom school classes that day and my wife called the dead beats mom furious and said we were picking up daughter right away, we picked her up and went home but later that day a cop came saying they got reports that we abuse her, they looked at her knees where she had a few scrapes and bruises from playing and falling and whatnot, there was also a dss worker that came and questioned her in private and ultimately the daughter said all the brainwashed things she was told to say and that she wants to live with deadbeat, half of me wants to let her go live there so she can eventually learn her lesson but the other half of me doesn’t want her life ruined and I don’t want them to win, idk what to say to her or what to do ?
submitted by 1_day_or_day_1 to Advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 07:53 midstnostalgia messing with youtube algorithm to avoid deletion of leaks

slime funny pranks life hacks elsa frozen cake toys asmr challenge gacha life spiderman slimes bubble Children's Toys compilation DIY craft ideas LOL squishy toy challenges orbeez superhero kids art disney moana love animation tutorial anna barbie magical April Fools Prank christmas roblox surprise egg clay cartoon video learning lego strawberry cakes animals crayons back to school galaxy family pop tutorials dolls glue unicorn
submitted by midstnostalgia to copypasta [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 07:13 Waifer2016 A small boy, a church fair and a super deluxe Lego set

Hello Reddit!
I have a story I hope makes you smile.
Come back with me about 5 years ago. It was spring, the flowers were popping up from the semi-frozen Canadian soil, everyone was shedding their multiple layers of wool and our Church hosted a carnival for the kids in our neighbourhood.
This carnival had been in the works for several months, local businesses donated prizes, treats, food, even a bouncy house! The youth of our church and a neighbouring church volunteered to run the games, the ladies managed the kitchen and the men stood around the BBQ swapping stories and burning meat with fire.
Now the way the games were set up was pretty simple. All games were, of course, free to play and each kid no matter what they did would get tickets they could save up and spend at the prize booth. I was put in charge of the prize booth because it let me sit down and not have to move around a lot.
Now I am going to step back here and tell you about a little boy in our church we will call Sam. Sam was (and is) the sweetest little guy. He has some health issues but he never lets it stop him from trying his best and he always has his sweet smile for everyone he sees. While all of the children in our church are loved , Sam has a special place in everyone's heart. The year this took place, Sam was a sweet rolly polly 4 yr old bundle of joy.
I had just finished setting up the prize booth when Sam toddled up with his parents. He stood staring at the prizes . Piles of stuffed animals, plastic jewellery, hats and books, candy and skip ropes - and the prize of all prizes , the cream of the crop, the pinnacle of every little boys desire - a huge, glorious Lego set. All the other prizes were set at 1 or 2 tickets so every kid could take a bunch home with them. The leggo set , however, we had priced out at 50 tickets. To win it, a child would have to play non stop games for the entire 2 hour fair . Harsh, ya I thought so too but dang it was a gorgeous Lego set haha.
Sam's eyes fell on the Legos . They grew wide. Then wider. He reached out and took the huge box in his tiny arms and hugged it while puzzling out it would cost 50 tickets to win it.
Sam- Dis gonna be MINE! With a determined nod.
Carefully, Sam placed the box back on the table with a lingering glance and another nod and his parents and I shared worried looks. Sam wasn't the strongest little guy but he tried so hard. I know it was wrong of me to favour one child over the others but I was determined to make sure , somehow, that Sam won that Lego set! One of the other adult hosts stopped by to hand me a drink and I told her what happened with Sam.
Now this is where the night took an amazing turn! To this day , I am not sure how word got out with the other kids and especially with the youth hosting the games, but for the next 2 hours , during quiet spaces at my booth, i was able to see Sam and his Dad going from game to game. The youth made the games easier for Sam, I saw more than a few of them slip Daddy an extra ticket or two. Other kids after trading their own tickets in at the prize booth, would then play games and give their tickets to Sam. Somehow it got out that Sam desperately wanted those Legos and everyone from kids to adults were set on him getting them too!
Finally , with about a half hour left to the carnival, Sam and his Dad came back to the booth. Daddy had tickets, Sam had a crumbled ball of tickets in his tiny hands. Everyone held their breath while I carefully counted them out . 55 tickets! Enough for the Legos AND some candy! Sam was beaming from ear to ear as he hugged the giant box to his chest as he and his Dad went to get some hotdogs and ice cream.
It still seems incredible to me that all the children there that night , none of them wanted that wonderful toy. They wanted only Sam to get it and were more than happy to participate in some wholesome compliance to make sure he did!
submitted by Waifer2016 to wholesomecompliance [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 06:49 rawwrr1217 [Breeds] I'm a lonely gal, need a pal

Introduction
1) Will this be your first dog? If not, what experience do you have owning/training dogs?
I grew up with an energetic beagle; because I was a child though I didn't do much of the training. However, I remember how energetic and what a troublemaker he could be if he wanted. My parents have had many small dogs (small mixed breeds, and a Yorkie).
I used to be a pet-sittedog walker and worked in a dog daycare, so I'm very familiar with different breeds, how they act, what their common issues are.
2) Do you have a preference for rescuing a dog vs. going through a reputable breeder?
I plan to rescue via a rescue organization or adopt-a-pet or similar website, or local shelter. I'm pretty much set on refusing to buy via a breeder.
3) Describe your ideal dog.
I am an avid runner, mountain biker, hiker, swimmer, outdoorsy person. My ideal dog is a best friend who loves to be outside with me on my adventures, loves to take jogs with me daily or near-daily (minimum 30-45 min jogs), long walks, weekend hikes, runs in front/behind me on the trail when I'm biking, etc. I would prefer a breed that learns recall relatively easily (a dog that likes to stick by its human) so I can hike off-leash without too much worry.
I want my dog to love me and be clingy. I don't want an independent breed that ignores me. My ideal dog will snuggle with me in bed at night and wants to cuddle on the couch with me.
My ideal dog likes to learn neat tricks, more than the basics, but not full-on agility or competition type of training.
My ideal dog is medium/large but can live in an apartment being lazy until I make it home for us to spend an hour at the nearby dog park, go on a jog together, or hit the trails.
My ideal dog loves everybody and is friendly with my friends, loves to hang out with me and my friends. Loves me, but is not overprotective.
My dog likes to swim.
4) What breeds or types of dogs are you interested in and why?
I am considering an Aussie due to their high-energy, intelligence, and friendliness, which suit me. My concern with an Aussie however, is that I have heard/read that they need a very "dominant" and assertive owner, and I'm looking to be a friend and less of a parent/authority figure.
I have also considered a GSD, but the same pro's and con's as above apply. GSD can also be protective of person/food/toys/etc.
Husky would fit the energy level I need but not the apartment living, and they are too independent. Cant deal with a husky tearing up the place if they get too bored/are alone too long.
Labs/goldens would probably fit me, but I'm curious as to what other breeds ya'll would recommend.
5) What sorts of things would you like to train your dog to do?
The basics plus solid recall. I'd like a dog that can enjoy some mental stimulation like learning to find a hidden item, do a yoga pose, fun stuff.
6) Do you want to compete with your dog in a sport (e.g. agility, obedience, rally) or use your dog for a form of work (e.g. hunting, herding, livestock guarding)? If so, how much experience do you have with this work/sport?
Nope
Care Commitments
7) How long do you want to devote to training, playing with, or otherwise interacting with your dog each day?
I want to come home and immediately have some fun with my dog; whether thats a jog, a long walk, the dog park, throw a ball/frisbee. On weekends I want to take my pup with me everywhere I can. At home I want to be able to snuggle after we're outside, or have a fun training session learning something new.
8) How long can you exercise your dog each day, on average? What sorts of exercise are you planning to give your dog regularly and does that include using a dog park?
Minimum 45 minutes per day. Dog park yes. Jogging 4-5 times per week. I'd love to take my dog mountain biking with me. Hiking on weekends or vacation days. Long walks.
9) How much regular brushing are you willing to do? Are you open to trimming hair, cleaning ears, or doing other grooming at home? If not, would you be willing to pay a professional to do it regularly?
Happy to do brushing daily, doesn't bother me. Visit to the groomers every week or 2 is fine.
Personal Preferences
10) What size dog are you looking for?
Medium/large. I've learned I don't like small dogs much.
11) How much shedding, barking, and slobber can you handle?
Minimal barking due to apartment living, but I don't mind a little speaking of mind. Shedding and slobber doesnt bother me (not a factor).
12) How important is being able to let your dog off-leash in an unfenced area?
Very important since I want to be able to do a variety of outdoor activities with my dog.
Dog Personality and Behavior
13) Do you want a snuggly dog or one that prefers some personal space?
Snuggles all the way. My dog will sleep in bed with me.
14) Would you prefer a dog that wants to do its own thing or one that’s more eager-to-please?
Eager to please.
15) How would you prefer your dog to respond to someone knocking on the door or entering your yard? How would you prefer your dog to greet strangers or visitors?
I don't mind if my dog barks when someone knocks at the door. But I want him/her to love strangers and visitors and be overall friendly.
16) Are you willing to manage a dog that is aggressive to other dogs?
No since I want to take him/her to the dog park frequently.
17) Are there any other behaviors you can’t deal with or want to avoid?
I know separation anxiety can occur in any dog/breed but I find this difficult to deal with in terms of behavioral issue as well as emotional/mental load on my part (feeling guilty).
Lifestyle
18) How often and how long will the dog be left alone?
I can arrange for a midday walk. I would prefer if my dog can chill until I get home and then we can get out a lot of energy together.
19) What are the dog-related preferences of other people in the house and what will be their involvement in caring for the dog?
It's just me in the apartment so this is not a concern. However, my friends may be involved in midday walks or watching the dog at times, so they must be friendly.
20) Do you have other pets or are you planning on having other pets? What breed or type of animal are they?
I would like to get a cat at some point.
21) Will the dog be interacting with children regularly?
No.
22) Do you rent or plan to rent in the future? If applicable, what breed or weight restrictions are on your current lease?
No weight restrictions in my lease.
23) What city or country do you live in and are you aware of any laws banning certain breeds?
No breed bans in my area.
24) What is the average temperature of a typical summer and winter day where you live?
It is hot/humid in the summer where I live, but frigid cold in the winter. It sometimes snows in the winter.
Additional Information and Questions
25) Please provide any additional information you feel may be relevant.
I realize that apartment living is difficult for a medium or large dog. However, because of how active I am, I believe I can more than make up for the small space my dog may live in.
26) Feel free to ask any questions below.
I am super open to mutts/mixed breeds, just not sure how to go about finding one/adopting one thats right for me since their behavior isn't as predictable.
submitted by rawwrr1217 to dogs [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 06:40 PowderPuffGruff Confession, soapbox, whatever

Hello fellow humans.
i am not sure what this is, I am just going to rant. So I recently have realized I am a sex addict. And for me there is so escape and I fear I and my life will self destruct soon. My problem comes from two factors. Physical and mental and I'll go over why I am doomed. Lol
-2nd. A have a genetic predisposition for something called Prostate stones. This means I experience extreme pain in my testicles if I don't ejaculate often enough. So avoiding sex or masturbation is pretty impossible.
ALRIGHT
Mental part. I have an intense impregnation fetish that consumes me. I pretty much think about nothing else. This originated when I was 18. I didn't know I had hereditary angioedema and my doctors were flummoxed I spent most days hardly able to walk with only a good 6 hours each day with normal pain free existence. On Craigslist I found a lesbian couple looking for a sperm donor, they wanted natural insemination, being younger I was excited at the idea having never had a sexual encounter before. With my unknown illness i thought I would be dead soon so I went along with idea. The experience shaped me in ways I didn't expect. After they got pregnant we parted ways. A doctor soon found out what I had, and I started treatment treatment and my life became normal for the most part. However I soon realized after dating that I didn't seem to be able to achieve orgasm without the impregnation being possible. Condoms ,birth control all of it, held me back. I use to tell my dates not to tell me if they were on anything.
later on I found my love of my life. And we have been dating for years now. She recently had a problem that made it so she couldn't take bird control, and suddenly condoms because mandatory. Mentally this broke me, but I couldn't tell her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. That I'd rather watch porn of my fetish then have sex.
Almost right away I was desperate for an outlet. I got on tinder looking not really to cheat, but maybe to find someone to sext with. i found a new nice friend, I was very upfront about not wanting anything serious. we sexted, traded nudes, she even shared my fetish. It was nice. After a while she confessed her love for me. This was upsetting because now I was toying with someones heart, useing them for my psychosexual relief, but I couldn't cut it off. I needed her. Anything to keep my addiction at bay. We kept at it a while, but we decided to part ways, what we had wasn't healthy.
This comes to now. I am without an outlet. My relationship with my love is strong, but I am doomed. I find myself texting escorts, going to happy ending massage places praying they give more. I confessed to my love and she doesn't care about the massages as long as it just handjobs. I then told her about my fetish and how extreme it is. She didn't seem to understand. I am now stuck forced to use condoms, and constantly thinking about cheating on my girlfriend because of something I know is wrong and wished wasn't a part of me. I can't go cold turkey or really even manage it. I am screwed ,my mental state will win out and I will ruin my life. Just a matter of time.
I don't know why I wrote this, just wanted someone to know. Please pm or comment if you have advise. ❤️
submitted by PowderPuffGruff to SexAddiction [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 06:40 ninetailss89 To my ex-fiancé who treated me like his mother and then turned everyone against me and made me look like the bad guy...

Hi. Hello. It’s been over a year since I broke up with you. But for some reason I still come to the thought that I am so bitter towards you and still roll my eyes and would probably cuss you out if I ever saw you again.
For the 3 years we were together you acted like nothing more than a man child and expected me to be your mother. You put not effort into our relationship and pinned me as the bad guy when we broke up. I invested so much into you and our relationship. I put so much emotion, thought, time and even money into making it work and you never gave anything in return. Leading up to our wedding day I repeatedly told you I couldn’t do all of this on my own. You told me you’d do better and change. You never did. And when I told you I was through you acted shock and like I sprung it on you with no warning. You told everyone it came out or nowhere and that I was heartless for breaking up with you. I literally handed you your ring back several months before we broke up and told you I couldn’t do it all on my own and you promised me everything would change. Stop acting like me choosing to leave you was a surprise.
You turned all of our friends on me. When we first broke up they said they would still be friends with me and that they didn’t blame me for leaving you. I think you didn’t like that because a week later everyone blocked me. Now I wish I had told them everything so that they could see you for who you are. A fucking child.
You were 26 years old when we broke up. You didn’t know how to do laundry. You didn’t know how to pay a bill or write a check. You never done a chore a day in your life. You didn’t drive anywhere. You expected me to do all of that for you because your mother enabled you and did that for you. Why is a 26 year old man’s mother fussing at him to take his trash out and clean his room? I’m embarrassed for you now. When you seen me struggling to do something you just let me struggle instead of stepping in like a man and helping me. Thinking back I can’t believe I was going to marry you.
Being with you took a financial toll on me. I would literally spend hundreds of dollars a day whenever we would go out. If I asked you for a little bit of help for gas or food money you’d tell me no because you only had $60 for your “allowance” that your mother gave you for the week and you needed that to buy chips and collectible toys for yourself. What grown man gets an allowance from his mother. And that money was yours to begin with because you were the only one working but for some odd reason you let your mother control your finances. When I asked you for help paying for the wedding you told me no and that the only thing you would pay for was your tuxedo. When your phone broke you begged me to borrow $200 for a new one and you would pay me back. When we broke up I asked you for that money because I needed it to pay bills and you said “you really don’t expect me to pay you back, do you? I need that money for my bills.” That right there showed me how much you valued our relationship. I was nothing more than someone to cater to you and take care of you. You never took care of me.
You act like I traumatized you and like you are so damaged now. I’m pretty sure you use our break up as an excuse to not do anything and to make people feel sorry for you, and I’m sure they buy into it and coddle you.
Perhaps I am responsible for some of what happened. Perhaps I should have called it off long before I did and maybe I am the bad guy for not. But then again I don’t feel that is true. I put as much effort into us as I did because I genuinely loved you and if I had to do all of that to spend time with you and be with you then I accepted that. Looking back now that is not an okay way of thinking and more people need to realize that so they avoid stuff like this.
Before I end this I want to tell you all about the man I am now seeing because I want you to know what a true man is like. He treats me like a fucking queen. In fact he tells me I am his queen. He opens the door for me. He cooks for me. He surprises me with things here and there so he can see my smiling face. He is there to comfort me when I am feeling down. He goes out of his way to make sure I’m okay and that I’m happy. He values me. He treats me like a human being. If I need help he is there for me. No questions asked. Remember when I called you and told you I needed you because of something traumatic happening in my life and you chose not to get in your car and drive to my place to comfort me? He doesn’t sit back and watch me struggle like you did.
I know that you have not made any changes in your life since I left you. You haven’t used this as a chance to do better. I’m sure you still sit on your laptop in your mother’s house and do nothing. I on the other hand have been doing fan-fucking-tastic. I’m happy now. But I still find myself thinking of your every so often. Not because I miss you or still love you. Because I wish so badly you could know how much I resent you. But I don’t want to feel that anymore. I want to stop thinking of you. I want you to go away from my memory. Because you were the one that turned the break up nasty. You were the one that took my friends away from me. You were the one that made me seem like something I wasn’t.
I’m sure you will never see this or read it. But if you do I hope you go fuck yourself. And I hope that by writing this I can finally let my resentment go. Why post this on the internet for everyone to see? Why not just keep this private and to myself? Because you didn’t give me the chance to tell everyone my side. So this is me telling my side. You’re a hopeless asshole and you’ll probably live with your mom for the rest of your life. How about you just marry her instead?
submitted by ninetailss89 to offmychest [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 06:15 hookmeats Power Rangers in the Argos Catalogue, 1995 - 1999 A Nostalgia Trip for UK Power Rangers Fans

A brief introduction to the Argos catalogue for you good non-UK folks before we jump in. Argos is a chain of stores in the UK, and their big gimmick is that you can pick the items you want from a catalogue, then when you're in store, you give them the number of the item you want and they'll bring it to the front of the store for you to purchase. It's a fairly simple concept, even though I'm kind of butchering my description of it. If you want a more detailed read, check out the Wikipedia article for Argos here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Argos_(retailer)
The Argos catalogue is a British insitution. Many a child has spent their time browsing its pages and picking out toys they want for their birthday or Christmas. Or just longlingly looking at stuff they'll never have. I've done this many times myself and my go-to pages were always the ones including Power Rangers stuff! So I thought we'd take a trip down memory lane and look at some of them together.
First up is Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers in 1995. Got some classic stuff here. The original Dino Megazord and Dragonzord. I'm also a big fan of the lunchbox. One notable ommission here is the fliphead figures that a lot of us grew up with. Also in this catalogue in another section was a 'Power Rangers Plaster Moulding Set' which amusingly assumes there's a character called 'Mighty Morphin' actually in the show. Check out the description.
Mould and paint Mighty Morphin and his Power Rangers with this superb plaster moulding set.
Honest mistakes like this happen, and I can't imagine how painful it must be to have to fill in all the descriptions for catalogues like this. But it does make for entertaining stuff to look back on.
Next up is Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers (season 2!) in 1996. We've got the flipheads now, and the new Megazords which came along in season 2 of MMPR. Saba is looking good and I really, really wish I could go back in time and get him.
This catalogue also had an entry for the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers: The Movie video game on Sega Mega Drive (also known as the Sega Gensiss in North America. Any of you guys play this? Any good?
Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers (season 3) from the winter 1996/97 catalogue is up next. More iconic Megazords, including Serpentera and the Shogun Megazord with the infamous pink arm. I actually had some of the villains included on this page. And I only just noticed the little 'Pocket Money' section up in the top left-hand corner there. That's a nice addition for the kids who've saved up a little something.
This catalogue also included some Masked Rider stuff. Say what you want about the show, but those toys were dope.
New section as we break free from MMPR and head into Power Rangers Zeo in 1997. Once again, iconic Megazords and morpher. Not a lot to see here though, if I'm being honest. In a catalogue release later in the year we get to see even more Zeo stuff, and a few Big Bad Beetleborgs items. I think I had this catalogue as a kid, because I remember wanting all of the Gold Ranger stuff very, very badly.
We shift into Power Rangers Turbo in 1998 and, look, I know what you're thinking: 'What, that's all Turbo gets?'. Don't worry, later on in the year we get a two page spread! Page 1 of Turbo, including the Rescue Megazord... which I always wanted and never got. And Page 2 of Turbo, also featuring some Beetleborgs Metallix.
Lastly, we have Power Rangers In Space in 1999. The best toys I never had. Funny story regarding this, actually. I told my Mum I wanted an Astro Megazord, meaning number 1 in the catalogue, the deluxe item. I ended up getting number 7 in the catalogue, which didn't transform. It's okay, Mum. You tried, and I love you. Then finally, another edition of Power Rangers In Space in a later edition of the year. Notable inclusions are Zhane and the Mega Voyager!
That wraps up this trip down memory lane. I hope you enjoyed the pictures and tolerated my rambling. The Argos catalogue did continue stocking Power Rangers toys in the years following 1999, but if I recall correctly, the space they were allotted gradually grew smaller each year. So it goes. If you want to look up any Argos catalogues yourself to see other non-Power Rangers items (or Hell, even to look up ones I missed. Zordon knows this collection isn't exhaustive), just go to the Internet Archive and search for 'Argos'.
submitted by hookmeats to powerrangers [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 06:15 nandesss YrSa Animated & Lovely Toys - Courtesy of an anon donor - 9/17

YrSa Animated:
+ 3 animations for WORKOUT MACHINE

ASS HOLE TRAINING (1)
Category: Anal
Location: WORKOUT MACHINE
Participants: Any genders

A TRAIN OF TRAINING 1
Category: Anal
Location: WORKOUT MACHINE
Participants: Any genders

A TRAIN OF TRAINING 2
Category: Anal
Location: WORKOUT MACHINE
Participants: Any genders

Lovely Toys
On the plunger (duet)
Category: Anal
Location: Floor
Participants: Any genders
submitted by nandesss to TS4_Rebels [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 06:11 throwaway-2605 Adding a 3rd cat

Hi Cat Advice!
I have two kitties now, one 8F one 2.5M. I had the female cat first, and I got the male when he was 16wks. She did not like him at first, but they love eachother now. He is a little bit of a strange boy and exhibits some strange behaviors, and is on an anxiety medicine. He’s fine, just weird! But we love him. My roommate and I have recently decided to adopt another kitten, 16wksM. We have the space and finances. All are indoor only and have plenty of space in our house. We have two cat trees, three litter boxes, and many interactive toys. Does anyone have any advice? I am nervous that they will not accept him or that something could go wrong. Any tips on how to introduce them properly? I gradually introduced the two others and things seemed to go okay.
submitted by throwaway-2605 to CatAdvice [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 05:47 CoolChiquite FNAF Security Breach

It pretty obvious in the trailer that there is a kid called Gregory who is being hunted down by Vanessa-Bunny (Vanny). Another thing I want to point out is that this may or may not be the first time we get introduced to Gregory. In the FNAF short story Fetch we get introduced to a kid called 'Greg'. We can see that Greg is the victim in the first story, he finds Fetch and tries to activate it, succeeding but there are consequences to that act. I'm not saying that the 2 are interconnected but rather, I just want to point it out. I also believe that it might not be an animatronic who is protecting the child but instead, a security guard, Fazbear Entertainment, who have learned from the past according to FNAF HW, would not be recycling the toy animatronic gizmo, it would be interesting and highly anticipating to see a human character in the game series for the first time. It can also be noted that if the animatronic theory is correct, that the deep voice is rather similar to Nightmare Fredbear's voice from UCN, again, this may just be me. These are just my views but I would love to see what Scott does with this new game seeing as how the tables turned in the previous games.
submitted by CoolChiquite to GameTheorists [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 05:44 TypicalCuckRedditor The US military is actually trash and wouldn't last a month in a real war.

Before you get your freedom pants in a knot please read up a little on the millennium challenge maybe the sinking of USS Reagan too.
The whole purpose of the US military is to make military companies as much money as possible, not to actually make useful equipment. Everything the US does or uses costs at least 5 times the competitions and is often bested by it.
->$6 Billion aircraft carrier and fleet defeated by a sub that costs 1/5 of an american sub. -$200k to launch a javelin missile after waiting 15 minutes for the targeting array to cool down. ->2/3 of casualty evacuations are for lower back injuries from carrying too many toys into battle.
Reddit loves bragging about the US military having the best toys. In summary the US already lost to Iran but threw a tantrum and wanted a do over. Lost to Sweden then decided to buy their toys too and cover up the fact that all their expensive stuff still gets beat just as easy.
submitted by TypicalCuckRedditor to unpopularopinion [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 05:38 Tamamo_noMae 20M it be time for a new post

Heya, I'm John. I've met some real good friends through Reddit and wanted to try again. I love to read, watch movies, listen to music, play games, all the super common stuff. Also love to write and want to get back to learning Photoshop. I'll describe each of my hobbies in more detail below. I also love to voice chat.
As for me myself and I, I'll be straight with ya and say I have some serious mental issues at the moment. They should be sorted out fairly soon as I'll have a medicine change. I would never try and force my issues onto someone so if you don't want me to talk about them I will respect that. I try to be there for people when I can. Honesty is one of the most important qualities to me, and I take promises I make seriously. I'm not sure if I'm a kind person but I certainly try to be.
For my hobbies I'll start with reading. I used to be very into books such as Percy Jackson and Harry Potter. Nowadays I've mostly switched from fantasy over to nonfiction books. Right now I'm reading a book about psychology since I plan to study that and go into the field. I'd be happy to discuss books though I haven't read much at all since high school.
As for movies I primarily enjoy 3D animated movies, like Disney and Dreamworks. My two favorite movies are Shrek and Toy Story. I'm also a fan of horror movies though I haven't seen any in quite a while. Always happy for recommendations.
With music I listen to basically anything, lately it's been a fair amount of pop and kpop. I have a few Spotify playlists that I'd be happy to share, though they are unfinished and still a mess. I love to hear what my friends listen to so if you're willing to share any playlists you have I'd be ecstatic.
With gaming, it's mostly on PC. Either singleplayer games or playing one on one with somebody. I don't like playing with groups so please don't expect me to. I would be happy to play with you and maybe buy something if I don't have it depending on the price.
Writing I recently got into. I only have written a few stories so far and I'm not too proud of them but people have enjoyed them. I'm happy to share if you want to read them. I haven't been into Photoshop for a long while now but I'm hoping to get back into it soon.
Here's a picture of me: https://imgur.com/91WeEz8
I don't care whether or not you send one right away, but I know some like having a face to the person. I'm open to nearly anyone, location, age, gender, none of it matters a whole lot to me.
If you made it this far and actually read it all congrats! I must be semi interesting. If you want you can message and we can talk wherever you prefer. I hope to hear from some folks! :)
submitted by Tamamo_noMae to MakeNewFriendsHere [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 05:38 Fyuryus Looking for advice with overly aggressive guarding behavior in 15 week old blue heeler puppy! (Video example in post)

(VIDEO EXAMPLE OF BEHAVIOR AT END OF POST) Ok so Meekah is fantastic and very sweet 90% of the time, and has responded pretty well to the training we have been doing with her. She sits, shakes, rolls over, stays, fetches, doesn’t fuss about crate training, has shown big improvements in potty training, and walks on a leash pretty well. The problem is that for whatever reason she gets VERY defensive and aggressive when it comes to certain types of treats, also with anything she’s not supposed to have such as socks, underwear, trash and things of that nature. At some points when she has one of these items it feels as if she is straight up attacking me any time I come near her or her treat/forbidden item. What can I do to start working towards mitigating this behavior? My fear is that this will escalate into other aggressive behaviors or that she could hurt us or a friend.
Additional info:
-we are always calm with her, rarely yell or scold aggressively
-its not like we never give her treats
-The only treats she typically does this with are large, long lasting chew treats
-She does NOT do this with her food or toys
-We do typically tell her “no” or “ouch” sternly, when she bites like this
-we have NEVER struck our dog or done anything that would make her fearful of us. We love our puppy with all our hearts
VIDEO EXAMPLE https://youtu.be/XRec7Ylj0ZQ
submitted by Fyuryus to Dogtraining [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 05:29 Boredthrowaway223 How do you not get bored with sex?

Hi sex- Im hoping you guys can help me see what I’m missing here. So I’m a 32F, and this has been an issue my whole life (at least, since I started having sex). I really only enjoy having sex at the start of a new relationship. The first 10 times or so are great. It’s exciting, you’re exploring a new person’s body, seeing what makes them tick, showing them what you like... it’s fun!
But then, over time (and honestly not a lot of time, it happens pretty quickly) I get bored. It loses the excitement, and becomes just something I do because my partner wants to. You can imagine how that goes- soon it becomes a chore. Then eventually a drag. To create an analogy: it’s like at the start of our relationship, my partner shows me a really good movie. We watch it together, and I love it, and am grateful he showed it to me. Then a couple days later, he wants to watch it again. Ok, well, it was good the first time, sure, put it on! Then the next day he wants to watch it again, and over and over while in the meantime I’m getting so BORED with the same film, and I can’t believe he STILL is enjoying this, and I would rather do almost anything else besides waste another afternoon watching that movie!
This has been a consistent issue with my long term relationships, including the one I’m in now, because apparently most people don’t get bored with sex over time. It becomes harder and harder for me to meet even the bare minimum of what my partner wants, and every encounter takes a lot out of me. I don’t want to hurt my partners feelings, so I have to push myself to be energetic and engaged during sex when honestly I’d rather be reading a book, or out hiking, or really anything- even washing the dishes would at least feel productive.
So people who don’t get bored with sex- what’s your trick? How do you maintain the same level of excitement (or really any excitement) for the same sex with the same partner for years? How do you keep it from getting old?
Some things I have considered:
I‘d really appreciate any thoughts/suggestions on how to keep the excitement and fun going!
submitted by Boredthrowaway223 to sex [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 05:22 Fyuryus Looking for advice on overly aggressive guarding behavior in 15 week old puppy...

(VIDEO EXAMPLE OF BEHAVIOR AT END OF POST) Ok so Meekah is fantastic and very sweet 90% of the time, and has responded pretty well to the training we have been doing with her. She sits, shakes, rolls over, stays, fetches, doesn’t fuss about crate training, has shown big improvements in potty training, and walks on a leash pretty well. The problem is that for whatever reason she gets VERY defensive and aggressive when it comes to certain types of treats, also with anything she’s not supposed to have such as socks, underwear, trash and things of that nature. At some points when she has one of these items it feels as if she is straight up attacking me any time I come near her or her treat/forbidden item. What can I do to start working towards mitigating this behavior? My fear is that this will escalate into other aggressive behaviors or that she could hurt us or a friend.
Additional info: 1.we are always calm with her, rarely yell or scold aggressively 2.its not like we never give her treats 3. The only treats she typically does this with are large, long lasting chew treats 4. She does NOT do this with her food or toys 5. We do typically tell her “no” or “ouch” sternly, when she bites like this 6. we have NEVER struck our dog or done anything that would make her fearful of us. We love our puppy with all our hearts
VIDEO EXAMPLE https://youtu.be/XRec7Ylj0ZQ
submitted by Fyuryus to blueheelers [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 05:02 ATeeleef My friends cat loves to sleep with his stuffed toy, I thought more people deserved to see this.

My friends cat loves to sleep with his stuffed toy, I thought more people deserved to see this. submitted by ATeeleef to aww [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 04:51 madswimmer Moved the cat to the garage, any ideas to make her more comfy there?

I have terrible asthma since I was 6 mo old and I got married 6 years ago and my wife has a cat. So we lived in places w a basement that the cat could sleep in and she lived outside most of the daytime, but we let her into our main living area for pets and love a little each day. Fast forward to now, we moved for my wife’s work and had to buy a house pretty fast bc I was 9 mo pregnant (we’re lesbians lol). SO this new house doesn’t have a basement for Missus Boo Boo and we let her live in our living space in the house. It has almost killed me - I increased my Breo and got adrenal insufficiency and now I am on a weird combo of Alvesco and formoterol (nebz). And I still don’t have good control. So we made the decision to move Missus to the garage, but I feel terrible about it. What are all the lavish things y’all have done or any ideas to make her happier in there? Also, how do you keep the cat hair down? Should we vacuum the garage or blow it w a leaf blower? I am open to all crazy ideas! Thank you for reading and any suggestions.
PS if y’all have de-catted your house and have any good suggestions there I would love to hear them! So far I have an air purifier and have cleaned area rugs and now I am cleaning all the walls, baseboards, vents and toys and cabinets. I’m not sure how to clean the couch and chairs. I’ve been using diluted mr clean mop solution and Dapple bottle soap diluted for the toys. It’s oddly satisfying to stir a bunch of toys in a bubbly bathtub...
submitted by madswimmer to Asthma [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 04:48 marianne721 Suffered from puppy blues for 2 1/2 months.. now something clicked

I cried a lot, I thought I was doing everything wrong. My boy, Franklin, kept peeing and pooping in the house, became aggressive with food, It was terrible, we left him on a leash, tried confining him to a certain area, had a schedule, but he wasn’t learning. He still eats quickly but he no longer is aggressive with his toys and food. And this week, it’s like a switch flipped in his brain. He hasn’t had an accident in like 5 or 6 days. He starts crying when he has to go outside!! When I’m working he goes to the top of the stairs and cries for me to take him out, when I’m done working and we’re upstairs he goes to the back door. Everyone is right when they say things change over night lol. He snuggles with us every night before we go to bed and sleeps soundly in his crate from 11-8:30. He loves going on our evening walks, he even started learning more tricks, he gives us his paw now! He’s turned out to be a great puppy, although we still have a lot of training to go. Thank you everyone who has given me advice, some has worked, some hasn’t, but I’m very grateful for all the advice I’ve received.
submitted by marianne721 to puppy101 [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 04:48 deagleaim I can’t let it go

My dad has damaged me in ways no bully ever has come close to and telling myself it’s fine won’t stop the burning in my gut. When I was 9 my cousin told him my hamster pooped on his bed by accident when i was playing with it. He choked me to the point where I couldn’t breathe and was struggling. A couple years after he’d humiliate me for my honor roll grades because they weren’t high enough. I’d been threatened to be whipped if I didn’t learn X fast enough. I learned to read at 2 and as a toddler was slapped for mistakes or not studying. At 12 his closet rack was overloaded with boxes and clothes and i was a tinkerer. I saw one of many toys in the containers but my 2lb lean made it fall down. He asked if i thought i was a man for that mistake. He smacked me in my face and sucker punched me in the gut. Then he choke slammed me into the bed and didn’t let me breathe until my mom said it was enough. Her and my grandmah just stood there and watched it happen. I shivered and cried alone in a closet. I cried my self to sleep for nights in fear id be killed. I had other encounters ive wrote down and repressed. The few friends i had wanted me to call the cops but i have little sisters i wanted to be strong for so they wouldnt be in foster. I decided at age 12 to endure.
It eventually stopped but i cant forget. Trust issues, crippling anxiety in highschool. And more fear and expectations. Now dad acts like we’re buddies. They denied it when i had a breakdown and mentioned it to school at 16. I spent my teens alone focusing on my tech hobbies that would lead to me scoring near perfectly for an IT airforce job.
I can function but this burning inside wont go. Every girl ive opened up to about this has left me and it’s hard to make friends when you’re fake and going along with everything so they like you. I’ve even achieved some impressive things and am fit now but deep down i still feel weak. Like everyone who disagrees or irritates me wants to kill me. Again, i can suppress these thoughts and get done what needs to get done, but its hard to just get over.
How could you do this to someone you love? How do you deny it and get mad at them for being affected? How do you trust anyone if everyone cares about money and what you can give them? Why do i still be nice to people while expecting them to harm me? I always tell myself its not that bad and people have it worse but people have reacted with emotion the times i had the courage to mention it.
submitted by deagleaim to self [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 04:38 drunkmummysobermummy My bento box is making me feel like a shit parent!

‘Muuuuum, can I have grated cheese instead of sliced in my sandwiches?’
‘Yes, darling’
‘Muuum, can you cut my grapes longs ways, like my friends have them?’
‘Yes, sweetie pie’
‘and would you like me to individually peel the little green fuckers using my teeth?’
I say just out of ear shot,
‘What Mummy?’
‘Nothing darling’
I stand at the chopping board slicing the grapes. I do it with care, I run the knife down the wooden board and scrape them off into the specific designated compartment entitled ‘Fruit’. I do this for all three lunch boxes and then read the little note under the plastic coating that says ‘Protein’. I cut up some ham, pop in its section and move onto ‘Grain’. Yes, grain. Geez. I grab a packet of cheesy chips from the cupboard and pour them in. I feel instant failure. What if another mum sees the unhealthy florescent snack tucked in amongst the super foods? Will the authorities be called?
I consider going into the back garden, grabbing a handful of bird seed from the feeding tray and chucking that in the box instead, or perhaps I could crawl around on my hand and knees and forage some rabbit droppings?
By the time the three boxes are full, I have scattered blueberries, sliced homemade banana bread, segmented a tangerine and spread a perfect ratio of Vegemite/butter on wholegrain bread and placed it in its labelled area with no hint of a crust.
It looks like one of those posh grazing platters when I’m finished, with colourful fruits spewing from its insides. I squash the lid down and pop each box into their backpacks.
Done.
It takes ages and, once i've added it up, it’s expensive. But, I tell myself the reason I do this is because I don’t want my kids teeth to rot out of their faces and I don’t want to be standing on a pavement looking up as my teenager is craned into a hospital window for gastric bypass surgery. I want them to eat healthy and live long lives even if it does mean I have no money in the bank and have lost the will to live before 8am.
Well, I pretend that’s the reason, I force myself into believing that is the reason, when actually it’s not.
No, the real reason is this,
I want people to think I’m a good parent. I want them to open that box at day-care and at school and think,
‘Wow, this Mum really cares’
My transformation from being a ‘I have a squashed banana at the bottom of my bag’ parent to a ‘Chia bliss ball’ sort of parent happened slowly, over time.
I saw mothers at playgroups open magical fold out boxes with different levels and hidden draws filled with dried cranberries and boiled eggs. When I saw them feeding their offspring like happy penguins from these troves of wonderment, I felt like I wasn’t good enough. That my snacks weren’t as wholesome enough and that I was lazy, a shitty mum.
My fundamental feeling was - Other people’s healthy lunch boxes mean I’m failing as a parent.
So, I splashed out. I bought three magical boxes with my kids names emblazoned on the front and I gave in to what (I thought) was expected of me.
I filled each part with things I’d seen in other boxes and I looked up online for ideas.
I took my new boxes to the park one day and with a smug smile, undid the plastic clasps that lock it shut. A ray of golden light seeped out from inside as I opened it up and I saw the looks of approval, subtle glances from other mums as they admired its contents. One mum hid her box away, just before she snapped it shut, I saw the corner of a packet of mini double-choc-chip cookies. I gave her weak smile as if to say,
‘I’ve been there, I’m not judging you.’
But of course, I was.
I felt superior with my box of high quality snackage. I felt like a better mum than her, for a while anyway.
Unfortunately, my supremacy didn’t last. Over weeks of keeping up with the demands of the box, (the grain, the vegetables, the protein) I started to faulter. The pressure to fill each fucking compartment every day of the week made me stressed. I’d set myself an unreachable standard, a level of snack distribution that just wasn’t sustainable.
There were times when I couldn’t abide by the box’s demands and I put chocolate in the dairy section and a party pie in where the carrot matchsticks should have resided. I cheated my children by allowing carbs and sugars fill the designated spaces. It was deceitful and I felt the boxes disappointment.
Not only had I let down the lunchbox, I’d let down myself, the kids and anyone that saw inside.
The contents of a that lunchbox had been successfully representing my perfect parenting and now I was stumbling, unable to keep up the show, lunchboxes that had been full of hope and Quinoa were now representing the true me, a squeezy fruit tube of disappointment.
So when was it that the contents of our children lunch boxes represented parenting?
As a kid growing up in the 80’s I survived on cheese paste and a bruised apple for lunch. There were no flaxseeds and Acai bowls. Mums just sent you on your way with a soggy sarnie and a kiss on the head and if you were lucky enough, you bought a packet of Wotsits from the tuck shop at lunchtime. Things were so much simpler then.
I think in the last decade life has become more complicated for mums. There are certain expectations of us. We have to feed them foods that are healthy, trendy hipster nourishments that make us feel good about ourselves and our parenting. Then we have to make sure they sleep and exercise enough, make sure they don’t watch too much tv or play too many computer games, avoid porn, be kind, be happy, be successful, love, feel, try and try again, the list never ends.
There are so many choices now, so much to consider and so many unreachable expectations and what I’ve realised is,
I cannot, as a parent, do everything that is expected of me.
So, I feel like I’m failing all of the time.
It’s shit, because I know I’m a good mum and I know I try my best. But these modern expectations lead to feelings of not being good enough. These constant comparisons, be it lunchboxes or parenting, cause a lack of contentment in mothers, a feeling of always striving and never quite getting there, like the never-ending pile of washing and the toys spread out in every room of the house, all relentless reminders of not keeping up.
I’m not failing when I don't keep up, it’s just that the expectations are too extreme. Impossible targets only reached by felt hatted women drinking from jam jars on Instagram. And that is not who I am. I can't be that person. I can't fulfil the expectations of everyone, the internet, the latest trend, or the people I meet at the park.
It’s time to leave expectations at the door along with the wet umbrellas.
Expectations are precursors to disappointment for mums, they leave us feeling incapable when, in fact , we are all doing our best.
The bar is set way to high. So high, that none of us can ever reach it.
But all I can say is - we try.
We keep chopping, slicing, peeling and even grating. We fulfil the role to our best possible ability. We get on with our list of jobs, trying to please everyone and everything around us (even judgemental lunchboxes).
I think as mums if we can learn not to give in to the expectations that are dumped on us by our surrounding culture, we have a chance of feeling happy with ourselves, happy with our parenting and happy with our choices.
We can learn to trust our instincts more rather than be led by expectations. We are more likely to feel like we're doing a good job if they never enter the equation.
For me, trying to fight off the weight of expectation is daily, I battle it with cucumber swords and salami sticks. I try not to let expectations of others decipher what I put in my childrens' lunch packs. I try. And if on occasion the odd Milk Chocolate Freddie frog makes a guest appearance well, fuck it! Nobody's perfect.
If I can't see the disappointed stares or feel the judgment from my peers, then it doesn't exist, right? Without expectations all I have left is me and my own style of 'Mumming' and I'm happy with that.
So, be it SauerKraut or Twisties, Kombucha or timtams, whatever I pack for my kids, there is one ingredient that bulges out from underneath that lunchbox lid,
(no, not kale)
love...
and as long as they have lots of that, then my expectation is that my children will have healthy, happy lives.
Drunkmummysobermummy.com
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